Hamster vs. Mom

Have you ever watched a hamster spinning in one of those toy wheels? They apparently need the exercise. They need to get their energy out. They need that motion, that stimulation. Every once in a while their foot slips and they go tumbling down. They get back on the wheel and go at it full blast. I am that hamster. I spin and spin and the chaos, the nonstop energy sucking machine called life just keeps going. My feet slip, I fall down. Sometimes I even hit the water bowl and feel like I'm drowning in it. It even feels like I'm spinning so fast at times that the wheel is going to come completely off and go flying.  Just like the hamster I get back on and keep going because chaos is my comfort zone.

Have you ever noticed how well hamsters seem to rest when they curl up in a ball, safe in their little cedar chip home? How they don't move for hours, recharge to the point where you may even shake the cage to make sure you don't need to find the nearest shoe box casket? That is their "me time". We need that rest. We need to recharge. We need to not feel guilty about doing whatever we need to do in order to refresh ourselves. It may be sleeping in on Saturday morning, it may be a good workout at the gym, it may be running 10 miles, it may be sitting on the couch crocheting a blanket or learning to dance. As moms, we revolve our lives around our children. We should, don't get me wrong but we are also people. They are only little once. I get it. But we also only live once. Spend time with our kids, go to their games, snuggle them, stare at them nonstop while they are in your arms. We can't forget who we are though. Our identity can be more than mom. It is healthy to be more. It is healthy for you and it's healthy for kids to see you as more than their taxi driver, chef, maid, laundry service and tutor.

Mom guilt is one of the worst parts of motherhood. We do it to ourselves. We think doing something for ourselves is selfish and may even be told we are selfish for spending time doing something that doesn't revolve around a child or a man. Taking care of ourselves should be put on the back burner because everyone else is in the front of the line. I struggle with this too. Do I need to sit at practice or do I go for a run? Do I buy those shoes or do one of the kids need a pair? Do I eat all the cookie dough when they go to bed or leave some for them? Do I stay in a crappy marriage for the kids sake or do I leave a crappy marriage for the kids sake? Either way we go, mom guilt rears it's ugly head.

I never thought about it until now how much I identify with hamsters.  They thrive on chaos but then they rest and I bet you anything they don't feel a bit of guilt about it. That's where we may differ a little. I'll keep spinning my wheels, being a taxi driver and chef and tutor. I'll inevitably fall off the wheel and suck some days. I'll also be me. A person. A friend. A wanna-be runner, a wanna-be dancer. I'll get my hair done and my brows waxed. I'll be lazy on the couch and read books and spend time trying the newest brew at the local brewery because WHY NOT. It's what I like. It's what I enjoy. I am a mom but I am also me. Carve out time. YOU are worth it.