I felt like my life would be easier with just me and the kids. For better and for worse meant nothing at that moment when I looked him in the eye and said it. My mind was made up. That is until my son walked in the room. How would I tell him that mommy and daddy couldn't work out our differences and stay together? How was I supposed to look at my daughter and explain to her that I threw in the towel before she even turned two years old? My heart ached. No, I thought, this is for the best. I need out. Rock bottom had been hit after 10 years of marriage. I was mad. I was mad at myself, my husband and at God. How could this be happening?
Crossroads. How I hate crossroads. Loathe crossroads. The scariest place I've ever been is at this crossroad. It wasn't just me that this turn would affect. It was my husband's life, my kids' lives and my life. Our life was about to change drastically.
I love this man. I love our life. I love the idea of us with gray hair, wrinkles and age spots. I love the idea of our grandkids coming to visit us and swinging on our front porch with US. We had to dig in our heels and make this work. Our marriage was worth it and our kids are worth it.
My faith was stronger than this problem. Our marriage was and is stronger than this problem. I had prayed for God to do whatever it took to break this man that I love more than life. He had done it. He showed up. God didn't promise us that it was going to be easy but He did promise that he would be there with us as we trudge through the valley. My valley was dark. It was scary and it was hard. Restoration is about going through a dark place and coming out on the other side of it changed for the better.
We've come to a place where the D word is no longer an option. As much as I hate crossroads I'm thankful that we came to it. It sounds warped but I'm glad we hit rock bottom. I'm thankful that we've worked together to make our marriage work and made it stronger than it ever has been.
I got a new ring yesterday that I am proudly wearing on my "ring finger". It replaces a ring that I got for your 10th anniversary, right before our marriage almost ended. This eternity band is symbolic of the new beginning of our marriage. There are infinity symbols all the way around it and the note enclosed said "For eternity I will love you".
