Friends

I've been thinking a lot lately about friends. I don't know how many times I've heard females say that they have more male friends than female because guys don't come with as much drama. While I can see where that could be the case I hate that we have this reputation of being full of drama and pettiness. Having been around for a few years and had a lot of girlfriends I can somewhat attest to this BUT I wouldn't ever even consider giving the entire female population this stereotype.

I had a sleepover for my daughter's 9th birthday a few weeks ago. Not going to lie, I almost dreaded the idea because from prior experience there was a lot of feelings involved, whining, tattling and just silliness that I couldn't handle without instinctively my rolling my eyes and I'm not very sympathetic towards. So, right off the bat I was stereotyping my daughter's friends. Shame on me. As they started showing up they were all excited about what our night was going to be like and to my surprise with each girl that got there the excitement was contagious. Surprisingly, I had a house full of 9 year old girls and not a single issue. I began to think about this more and more and wondered why other than it seems inevitable when you put a group of kids together that there will be some sort of problem but especially GIRLS!  What I heard that night instead was "Sing it, GUUURRRRL!" as they squealed in the karaoke machine. I heard "I'm so happy you are here" and "I love your pajamas" and "I don't want this day to end". My daughter told me it had been one of the best days of her life. SCORE! As she grows up I hope she will make quality friends over a quantity of friends.

In talking to some of my own friends over the past several months when my tribe has been my sanity I've come to some conclusions about the type of women I want in my life, the ones that will influence not only me but my kids too. Here's what I came up with...

1. Don't be an itchy friend. Here's what I mean in the nicest way possible. Remember when you were a kid and sometimes there was a tag in your pants sort of itched your rear end? You'd go home and have your mom cut the tag but there were the edges that still poked and itched your back. That tag owns you. You are a prisoner to the tag because when you walk it's there, when you sit it's there. Well, being a friend that is an itchy tag isn't cool. Let people be who they are without being itchy. You can make your presence known without being an itch. Be a laid back screen printed tag, not an itchy tag. ok?

2. We all get busy. Kids, work, school, sports, homework, housework, new episodes of This Is Us. These are all priorities. BUT in order to be a good mom, wife, employee, bad ass woman we have to make time for ourselves which also translates into spending time with our quality friends. It doesn't need to be a weekly thing although if you can do it, do it! Even if it's just monthly, a quick lunch, cup of coffee or whatever, make time! In the meantime, if you don't get a text from me for days or weeks, it's nothing personal, we'll catch up later!

3. This ties in a little with #2 but for real, don't wait for someone else to create the party and be invited! YOU create the event (as if there needs to be a reason to celebrate!) and invite your girls! And guess what, if nobody shows up at the Mexican Restaurant at the time you choose, that's ok!!! Life must have happened, someone had a sick kid or practice and you can sit there at the bar or booth of that Mexican Restaurant and eat every last chip and lick the queso bowl if you wish. You can even drink the entire Monster Margarita and Uber yourself a ride home. Sometimes, your own self the the best friend you have!

4. Greet your friends like my 9 year old and her friends did when it's party night! If you walk in the door like you're going to a funeral, pretty sure your energy is going to spread like a bad case of the Creepy Crawlies at the Lollipops nightclub by the main gate of the base. That's all I have to say about that.

5. Ask yourself if the people you are surrounding yourself with challenge you to be better. Do they encourage your dreams? Do you tell them your latest shenanigan and roll their eyes or do they laugh and encourage more shenanigans?  Can you even talk about your dreams and mischief with them without feeling like you're talking to Judgey McJudgey Pants? When you get a little too far in your questionable decisions do they set you straight and love you through it?  These are the people I want in my life. These are the people I have in my life. Ahhh, grateful doesn't describe it.

Quality over quantity. Acceptance over judgment. Love over disagreements.