Crossroads

I said the "D" word and meant it. I wanted out.

I felt like my life would be easier with just me and the kids. For better and for worse meant nothing at that moment when I looked him in the eye and said it. My mind was made up. That is until my son walked in the room. How would I tell him that mommy and daddy couldn't work out our differences and stay together? How was I supposed to look at my daughter and explain to her that I threw in the towel before she even turned two years old? My heart ached. No, I thought, this is for the best. I need out. Rock bottom had been hit after 10 years of marriage. I was mad. I was mad at myself, my husband and at God. How could this be happening?

Crossroads. How I hate crossroads. Loathe crossroads. The scariest place I've ever been is at this crossroad. It wasn't just me that this turn would affect. It was my husband's life, my kids' lives and my life. Our life was about to change drastically.

I love this man. I love our life. I love the idea of us with gray hair, wrinkles and age spots. I love the idea of our grandkids coming to visit us and swinging on our front porch with US. We had to dig in our heels and make this work. Our marriage was worth it and our kids are worth it.

My faith was stronger than this problem. Our marriage was and is stronger than this problem. I had prayed for God to do whatever it took to break this man that I love more than life. He had done it. He showed up. God didn't promise us that it was going to be easy but He did promise that he would be there with us as we trudge through the valley. My valley was dark. It was scary and it was hard. Restoration is about going through a dark place and coming out on the other side of it changed for the better.

We've come to a place where the D word is no longer an option. As much as I hate crossroads I'm thankful that we came to it. It sounds warped but I'm glad we hit rock bottom. I'm thankful that we've worked together to make our marriage work and made it stronger than it ever has been.

I got a new ring yesterday that I am proudly wearing on my "ring finger". It replaces a ring that I got for your 10th anniversary, right before our marriage almost ended.  This eternity band is symbolic of the new beginning of our marriage. There are infinity symbols all the way around it and the note enclosed said "For eternity I will love you".

Chalk Wall

This wall keeps us somewhat sane at my house. I got the calendar from a company that brought a bunch of free ones to my office. Underneath the calendar I write M-F, what's for dinner and who's keeping the kids what days that week (yes, it changes).  So it helps us all know what's going on at least tries to. It's helpful that it's right next to the door that goes into the garage and it's the one we generally use.

The Control Center

The kids get the bottom half to draw. My middle child is left handed so it's actually been easier for him to write on the wall to learn to write his name than on paper.

My little angel. She drew our family.

What-Iffer

I'm not sure what motivated me to post my GOALS the other day as I'm usually much more of a What-Iffer. Like if I'm thinking about doing something I don't post it all of Facebook and text everybody in my contacts with the news because WHAT IF it doesn't work out?! What if I don't continue on to get that degree that I never finished 15 years ago? What if I the Slow Poke Squad has to pick me up because I'm not moving fast enough? I mean they only give you 5 hours to finish 13.1 miles!  So now everybody that I advertised my goal to knows that I may or may not finish in the allotted time. Geez! It's easier to be a quitter to just myself. It's not as easy to be a quitter to other people. You catch my drift?

So, since I was temporarily insane and am now being held accountible my more people than just me I'd like to say that I really hate running.  I don't consider myself a runner but there is something about the accomplishment of a race that is super thrilling to me. So for the thrill of it, here I go.

Organized

Our house is lacking in storage spaces. We don't have a linen closet so we put our towels underneath the bathroom sinks. We don't have a pantry so we use the kitchen cabinets and we also have some Rubbermaid shelves in the garage for a my little stock pile of extras. I've used our coat closet for the past few years as a craft/catch all so today I tackled that thing and threw out two trash bags full of junk. I couldn't believe how much stuff we had crammed into that closet. Here are just a few of my little organizational ideas from that closet.

Here's an old spice rack that has tacks, beads, paper clips, pins, etc.

I love these things. I use this over the door shoe rack for scissors, ribbon, etc. inside the coat closet. I also use one of these in my bathroom. We keep medication up top so it's out of reach of the kids. It also has belts rolled up in it, slippers down in the bottom pockets. I have one on my boys' bedroom door that has gloves, hats, belts, scarves, sunglasses, etc.

Goals

I have a few goals. Two in particular are taking up a lot of time right now. One is short term, the other is long term. My short term goal is to finish a half marathon in April. That's 13.1 miles, nonstop. I just want to finish.

My long term goal is to finish school. I "took a semester off" after 5 semesters of college and have now returned. This is my second semester back since I was 20 years old. I'm not sure how long it's going to take me but when it's all said and done I'll have a BS in Communications from ECU!  My husband says it's fitting since I've mastered the art of communicating :)